Love Potions
by dracostra
Summary: When Lily suddenly reappears, will anyone be able to accept her? Will she be able to save her friend before it's too late? Will she be able to let Harry carry out his destiny?
1. Blast from the Past

Chapter 1: Blast from the past

She stood up and looked all around her to make sure he was nowhere near; she had to protect the bundle in her arms at all costs. Almost immediately, she realized something was wrong. She'd meant to Apparate to the end of the driveway so she could save them both, but it looked as if she'd been thrown off course into another neighborhood altogether. Godric's Hollow wasn't this depressing-looking. Then she looked behind her and saw the ruined remains of her home and her jaw widened in horror.

"This isn't possible," she whispered to herself.

Just a few minutes previous, she'd been lunging toward the crib of her infant son in an attempt to save him from Lord Voldemort, and now here she was standing in front of the ruins of the very house she'd just been standing in. It dawned on her in that moment that her son hadn't moved since they'd landed, and he hadn't made a sound either. She looked down at the bundle in her arms and saw the face of a small brown teddy bear staring back at her.

"Harry!" she screamed, dropping the bundle on the ground and putting her hands over her mouth.

She ran through the streets looking for signs of life, but it was after dark and everyone was already indoors for the night. Then she saw it.

The statue was more than twice her height, and looked to have been there quite some time. On it, she and James were sitting side by side in each other's arms holding onto Harry. She walked closer and read the inscription on the base:

"James and Lily Potter, murdered on 31 October 1981, holding their infant son Harry, who survived the attack."

_Harry was alive._ Lily kept repeating that to herself over and over as she tried to think of what to do next. Somehow – she had no idea how – she had been thrown forward in time. She had no idea how much time had passed in reality, but she needed to find out. The Order were probably holed up in headquarters somewhere planning their next move – although, she had no idea whether Voldemort was still alive or not either. The one person she knew for certain who was always home was Fabian and Gideon Prewett's sister Molly Weasley. Lily had visited her home more than once since her graduation from Hogwarts; the Prewetts were devoted uncles and had introduced several Order members to their family. Molly and Lily had become fast friends. When Molly had heard that Lily and James were expecting, she'd insisted on throwing Lily's baby shower. Her youngest son Ron was just a few months older than Harry; he had been born just a few days before she and James had gone into hiding. If anyone would be able to tell Lily what was going on, it was Molly Weasley. Lily got her bearings, took a deep breath, and Apparated to the Burrow.


	2. Cry for Help

2. Cry for help

Molly Weasley was sitting around her kitchen table with her husband, their friend Remus Lupin, her son Ron and his girlfriend Hermione Granger, her daughter Ginny and her boyfriend Harry Potter and her son Bill and his fiancé Fleur Delacour. They were all discussing the upcoming marriage of Bill and Fleur, which was to take place at the end of the following month. Things were far from joyous, however, with the recent murder of their dear friend and mentor Albus Dumbledore, but they were doing their best to make the most of the brief period of peace they had before the war began in earnest. Harry was determined not to rest until he avenged Dumbledore's death by catching his killer, Severus Snape, and also putting an end to the reign of the Dark Lord, Voldemort. Molly was beside herself with frustration at the fact that Ron and Hermione had decided to follow Harry on his journey, but nothing she had said so far had succeeded in changing their minds.

Currently, Fleur, Ginny and Hermione were discussing Fleur's dress, while her husband Arthur and the rest of the men in the house were discussing Bill's bachelor party. While Molly was glad to see them all together, she couldn't help but think about the fact that they may never have this opportunity again. Remus was now married, and his wife was currently staying with her parents preparing for the baby that would be arriving in the spring. Everyone seemed to be building new lives, and she hoped that the war wouldn't destroy them all.

She'd just stepped over to the sink to make a pot of tea when she heard the sound of someone Apparating outside. Instantly, the room grew silent and everyone drew their wands. Remus crept to the door just as the person outside knocked softly. The whole room gathered around behind him, wands pointed at the door, and as Remus opened it, everyone's eyes widened in shock.

"Remus, is that you?" Lily asked in awe. The look on his face told her that he definitely thought he was looking at a ghost. "It's me, Remus. I promise. It's Lily."

Everyone stared in awe at the woman standing in the doorway. No one knew what to do or what to say.

"Mum?" Remus took a step back and let Harry get a full glimpse of the doorway.

Lily stepped cautiously across the threshold, eyeing each wand tip pointed in her direction. When her eyes landed on Harry, she cocked her head in disbelief.

"James? Is that you?"

"No Mum, it's me," Harry smiled.

"Harry?" Lily couldn't believe her eyes. This teenage boy claimed to be her son, but he was the spitting image of her husband. Then she saw his eyes. "How old are you?"

"I'll be seventeen next week." Harry responded, unsure of what to make of his mother's sudden appearance.

"Seventeen?" Lily breathed. "It's been sixteen years? How is that possible?"

"Why don't you tell us?" Molly asked from the back of the room. "Lily Potter died in her home in Godric's Hollow sixteen years ago, just as you said. What kind of a cruel trick is this?"

"I assure you, Molly, I am definitely not dead. The last thing I remember is Voldemort coming through the house after me. I ran up the stairs to protect Harry, and Apparated just as a flash of green light exploded from behind me. When I opened my eyes, I was standing in Godric's Hollow in front of what used to be my house, with no idea how I got there."

"That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard. Voldemort must really be getting desperate to send his Death Eaters here disguised as a woman who's been dead for sixteen years." Molly replied angrily.

"If you ask me, the only way we're going to resolve this is to talk to the one man we all know who specializes in the preposterous. Let's send an owl to Dumbledore and ask him for his input." Lily conjectured.

Everyone swallowed hard.

"You'd better come in and sit down Lily," Remus said softly, "we've got a lot to get you caught up on."

Lily walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat. "It really has been sixteen years then?" she asked, looking at Harry.

Harry nodded and sat down beside her slowly, taking her hands in his. "Yes it has."

Lily swallowed hard. "All right, Remus, why don't you tell me what I've missed?"

Instead of Remus, Harry began to speak. "They found me in the house not long after Voldemort killed Dad…"

He told her of how he had been sent to live with the Dursleys instead of Sirius, and how Sirius had ended up in Azkaban. He didn't tell her about his childhood just yet; he decided to save that for later. He went on to tell her about how Voldemort had been destroyed trying to kill him because she'd saved his life, but that a small part of him had managed to survive and become corporeal again. He finally told her how Severus Snape, acting on orders from Voldemort, had betrayed and murdered Albus Dumbledore.

Lily was in shock. "It's hard to believe I once considered him a friend. He is so different from the boy who first told me about magic."

"Hello?"

Everyone turned their heads toward the living room.

"Is anyone there?"

Everyone stood and walked into the Weasleys's living room where, perched in a painted portrait usually occupied by Mrs. Weasley's father, sat Albus Dumbledore himself.

"Headmaster?" Harry wondered aloud.

"Well good evening everyone. I actually came to discuss a few things with Harry here, but I see I'm interrupting something important."

"Not at all Professor," Lily called as she made her way through the crowd, "you're actually just the person we needed to talk to."

When Dumbledore's eyes came to rest on Lily's face, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded a few times. "So my theory was correct," he said softly. "It is truly wonderful to see you again Lily. After all these years, I'm glad you were able to find your way back to us."

Lily smiled at him sadly, wishing she could hug him.

"I guess you are all wondering whether or not I can tell you how this charming woman came to be sitting here today," Dumbledore addressed the crowd, "well indeed I can."


	3. Explanations

3. Explanations

"Not long after I learned what had happened in Godric's Hollow, I arranged for Harry to be sent to live with the Dursleys. Sirius had gone off in search of Wormtail, and I felt as though Harry needed to be in a place free of the magical world, where he could live out a fairly normal childhood for a while. Though James's body was recovered from the ruins, Lily's wasn't; the Ministry assumed that it had been obliterated along with the Dark Lord's, and she was declared dead. However, I pondered on the possibility that she was not really dead. Since Lily and James had been under the Fidelius charm, I knew that she hadn't left the house before the attack, which left me with one theory; that when the Dark Lord cast his Killing Curse, it rebounded off Lily – presumably while she was trying to Apparate – and threw her through time instead of place. Technically, since her body and soul were removed from her place in time, she no longer existed, which meant that she had technically died protecting Harry. Therefore, her love blocked Voldemort's attack, and it rebounded on him, destroying his body instantly." Dumbledore reached the end of his explanation and remained silent for a few moments to allow everyone to absorb it.

Everyone in the room was processing what the former Headmaster had just said, and Lily felt as though she was never going to feel real again.

"Would it be too much to ask of all of you to allow me to speak with Mrs. Potter alone?" Dumbledore asked politely.

Everyone looked around at each other and stood up slowly. They all knew that if he was asking, it must be important, and they weren't about to start questioning him now. They filed out one by one and headed to their separate bedrooms. Remus squeezed Lily's shoulder and headed off to the kitchen with Molly and Arthur to discuss the Order's next move.

"What is it, Professor?" Lily asked hesitantly. "Everything you just told me seems pretty complete; what else can there be?"

Dumbledore swallowed hard and for the first time, he was unsure where to begin.

"Lily, there's another side to the story that only one other person in this world knows. That person has spent the past sixteen years doing everything he can to fix his mistakes and keep your son safe from Voldemort at all costs, simply out of his love for you."

"Professor, I'm afraid I don't understand." Lily replied, unsure where this was going.

"That man," Dumbledore continued, "is Severus Snape."

Not for the first time that day, Lily found herself overwhelmed with disbelief.

"Professor, there must be some mistake. Severus Snape has thought me a filthy Mudblood for years, and his only love is for the Dark Arts."

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "Severus was indeed a very unusual child, but I can assure you that you were the one true love of his life. It was he who begged me to put you and your family into hiding in the first place. He was the first person to arrive at your house that day, and when he realized what Voldemort had done, he came to me and swore from then on to serve as a spy for the Order and to help bring about Voldemort's destruction. He has spent the past sixteen years working with me to keep Harry safe, despite great personal risk. To this day there is nothing in this world that occupies his mind more than you."

Lily stood up and began pacing the room. "This is preposterous. The man killed you under direct orders from Voldemort!"

Dumbledore held up his hand to silence her. "Severus killed me under direct orders from me. The soul of an innocent young boy hung in the balance, and I was, after all, quite an old man. He ended painlessly a life that was going to end soon anyway one way or another. Even then, he was reluctant, but I insisted. It was the only way he could continue to convince Voldemort of his loyalty and continue to assist the Order. In a way, it was the only way I could think of to save everyone's lives."

Lily was incredulous. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath. "Because I was wrong. My death may have saved the lives of everyone else, but Severus is now in grave danger, and you are the only one who can save his life."

Lily collapsed onto the couch and put her head in her hands.

"And just exactly how do you propose I do that?"

"Severus is quite adept at the Dark Arts. Though he has grown to despise them, Harry is going to need all the help he can get in his search for the remaining Horcruxes, and he may just need Severus's expertise in destroying a few of them. There is going to come a time by the end of this war where you are going to need him just as much as he needs you right now, Lily, and when that time comes, you will finally see him for who he truly is. For now though, you must convince him to flee from Voldemort. His life depends on it." Dumbledore insisted.


	4. Surprise

*Quotes in this chapter taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling. I own nothing.*

Lily wasn't sure how long she'd stood there in the dark under her husband's Invisibility Cloak waiting for Severus Snape to come home, but she knew as soon as she saw him Apparate in front of his house that it was time worth spending. Sixteen years had not been kind to the poor wizard; he looked emaciated and his shoulders sagged as if he was carrying the weight of the world on them. She supposed that having most of the wizarding world ostracizing him for a murder he didn't even want to commit in the first place didn't exactly give him a reason to smile; being the pawn of both a psychotic dark wizard and a brilliant friend and mentor couldn't have done much for him either. Lily had released Severus from her life believing him to despise her because of her lineage, but now she realized that he truly had misspoken out of anger. After all, she was fully aware of how he'd felt about her husband.

She had grown to love James Potter, despite his mistreatment of Severus, and had never regretted her decision to marry him. James had always been surrounded by friends, and was intensely loyal to them all. He'd been a wonderful husband and a loving father while he had the opportunity, but now that life was over. She realized that as much as she'd loved him, her life had now brought her full circle, and living in the past wouldn't make this war any easier to get through. Dumbledore had convinced her that without the help of Severus Snape, the war would be difficult – if not impossible – to win. She'd also believed him capable of truly loving nothing but the Dark Arts, but clearly his attachment to them had waned with time. She saw that without her in it, his life had been meaningless and empty; now she just hoped that coming back into it would make a difference. As he walked inside the house, she took a deep breath and approached the rundown cottage slowly; she still had no idea what she was going to say to him.

"_I don't know how much more of this I can take._" Severus thought to himself as he shut himself safely behind his bedroom doors.

He was grateful that Wormtail had been reassigned and was no longer hovering over his shoulder on a constant basis; now if only someone would do him the favor of obliterating Bellatrix, he might be able to get some sleep at night...

Things had begun to spiral so out of control that Severus could hardly maintain his cool façade anymore. Trying to explain to the Dark Lord why he'd stepped in and done Draco's job for him had been harder than he'd thought, and although he'd managed to narrowly escape death once again, he'd still paid the price for crossing the Dark Lord. The lashes on his back still stung despite the spell he'd long ago written to relieve himself from his occasional punishments. They'd gotten more frequent as of late, which he took to mean that the old psycho was getting more and more frustrated about Potter's continuing to allude his grasp. Regardless of who the boy's father was, Severus had to admit that Harry Potter had grown to be an extraordinary young man; reckless... but extraordinary all the same.

Not for the first time, Severus found himself wondering how much different his life would've been if he'd been chosen to be the boy's father. Secretly, he'd been watching over Harry and protecting him from Voldemort ever since he'd first crossed the threshold of Hogwarts. It hadn't been easy though; the constant visual reminder that James Potter had succeeded in slithering his way into Lily Evans's bed made him sick to his stomach, and he found himself wondering on occasion if he wouldn't be better off just throwing in the towel.

He longed for the ability to relive his past; to be the kind of man Lily Evans would've been proud to marry. He'd contemplated for years the idea of procuring a Time Turner by any means necessary, but he knew that it would make no difference; even if he did succeed in winning Lily's heart, he'd have to live the rest of his life with the constant fear that time would revert itself and tear her away from him again.

He walked over, sat down on the edge of his bed, and retrieved from his end table the picture he kept hidden in the back of an old Potions journal. It was of he and Lily on the Hogwarts Express on their way to their first year of school together. He looked so scrawny and pathetic, wearing clothes he'd had to mend with magic that very morning. Lily sat beside him as radiant as ever, smiling and waving at the camera. She'd asked a fellow student to take the picture in commemoration of the occasion, and had sent it to him the day he'd informed her of his decision to join the Death Eaters. "_May it always serve as a reminder of better days_" she'd written on the back. Oh, how he longed now for those days...

He curled up in bed on his side and stood the picture on top of the end table. All around him were reminders of just how far he'd fallen. His curtains were dusty and unwashed, spider webs draped themselves from the corners of the room, and there was a layer of dust on the warped, grey wooden floor. His blankets were old and grey with patches scattered across them like bullet holes. He remembered with fondness the warmth and comfort of his four-poster bed at Hogwarts. As an eleven year old boy, he'd never slept in something so comfortable before. Although his mother's family had come from nobility, she'd married a Muggle, and their lifestyle reflected his father's disdain. He'd always hated this house, but had so far been unable to find a practical reason to look for anything better. He had yet to convince himself that he deserved any better. He'd pushed away the only woman he'd ever loved, failed in his attempt to protect her, and had spent the past sixteen years protecting a boy who would never feel anything for him but loathing.

At first he'd thought Potter was as arrogant and pompous as his affluent father had been, but over time, he'd begun to realize that the boy was just trapped in a life he hadn't asked for and now had to live out as long as he could. He remembered his last conversation with Albus Dumbledore and his heart sank.

"…_a part of Voldemort's soul latched itself onto the only living thing it could find. Harry himself. There's a reason Harry can speak with snakes. There's a reason he can look into Lord Voldemort's mind. A part of Voldemort lives inside him_."

"_So when the time comes... the boy must die? … You've kept him alive so that he can die at the proper moment. You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter!"_

His words echoed in his mind, bringing forth the tears he'd worked so hard to hide. He felt so pathetic and worthless that there was nothing more that he could do but lay there and sob into his pillow like a child and wait until it was time to play his next part, whatever that might be.

Through his sobs, he heard a soft knock on his front door and he froze. He couldn't afford for anyone to see him like this. He got up off his bed and walked into his small, cramped bathroom. He splashed his face with cool water and dried it with an old, musty towel. His eyes were red and puffy and deep dark circles indicated his lack of sleep. He took a deep breath, straightened himself up to his tallest and most imposing, and painted on the stoniest face he could muster. He walked through the house as the knocking repeated itself a little louder, and as he turned the knob and swung the door open, he felt his stomach drop out and his knees buckle. As he collapsed into a ball on the floor, Lily caught him in her arms and guided him to a nearby moth-eaten musty armchair and closed the door behind them.


	5. Delirium

5: Delirium

Once she got him into a chair, Lily reached up and pushed Severus's hair out of his face.

"Sev, are you alright?" she asked frantically.

Severus didn't respond; he couldn't. He was completely convinced that somewhere in the last half hour, someone had killed him, because there was no other way he could be seeing Lily Potter standing in front of him.

"You-you're dead," he stammered, "the Dark Lord… I-I saw…"

Severus trailed off, and before long passed out from shock.

Images floated through his mind like sand through an hourglass, and he felt as if he'd just been thrown headfirst into a pensieve that was suspended in a tornado.

He saw his father throwing empty whisky bottles at his mother, and his mother curled up sobbing in the corner, begging him to stop. Severus watched stolidly from the upper floor, unable to do anything else… walking through a field of daisies and seeing Lily Evans for the first time… explaining to her that she was a witch, and frightening away her ignorant sister Petunia for calling her a freak… laying side by side under a willow tree by a lake in the middle of the summer, making all the leaves levitate inches above the water…

…He could feel his arm burning, but he couldn't understand why… "_Sev, can your hear me?_" The woman's voice echoed frantically in his ears. He tried to answer, but she was so far away…

…He saw the look on his mother's face when she opened his acceptance letter to Hogwarts, and the owl she sent to his grandmother, asking her to take him supply shopping… boarding the Hogwarts Express with Lily by his side, his mother nowhere in sight… meeting James and his friends on the train and Sirius casting the leg-locker curse on him as he followed Lily down the corridor… falling on top of Lily and causing her to hit her head on the wall… getting his picture taken with Lily…

…The burning in his arm was getting worse, and it was getting very uncomfortable… "_Stay with me, Severus Snape. Don't you dare die on me!_" The woman's voice echoed through his mind again, and this time he thought he recognized its owner, but he was dragged down into his memories again…

…Sirius tricking him into climbing into the Whomping Willow, being saved by James Potter… Potter dangling him upside down using his own spell… calling Lily a Mudblood… Lily asking him if he was still going to join the Death Eaters…

… The memories were coming faster now, and the pain in his arm was excruciating. He heard himself screaming, but it was coming from somewhere far away… a woman stood over him wiping his face with a cool cloth, holding up his head so he could drink a potion… "_Come on, Sev, stay with me, please…" _the voice pleaded, closer than ever. A face floated on the blurry edges of his vision and he could hear someone crying…

…overhearing the Prophecy as Albus Dumbledore interviewed Sybill Trelawney… Voldemort deciding that the Prophecy referred to Harry Potter… begging Voldemort to spare Lily's life… begging Dumbledore to put Lily and her family in hiding… finding Lily's home in ruins… vowing to help protect Harry Potter for the rest of his life… having to look at Harry Potter every day, being reminded of James… Capturing Sirius Black… learning about Black's escape… learning about the Dark Lord's return… playing Dumbledore's spy… Having to cooperate with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin… Occlumency lessons… Harry Potter seeing his memories…

…His screaming was growing louder and his memories were getting foggy… the same woman standing over him speaking his name, her face so similar to Lily's, her eyes filled with tears…

…Dumbledore tracking down horcruxes and getting cursed… telling the Headmaster he had only a year to live… Dumbledore asking Severus to kill him… staring into Harry Potter's eyes on the Astronomy Tower… performing the Killing Curse… realizing that his spells had fallen into the wrong hands and were being used against him again… the Dark Lord punishing him for killing Dumbledore…

… He screamed in agony one last time and fell silent, his visions ceasing as he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When Severus opened his eyes, he was in a room softly lit by candlelight. The walls were a pale green with green pinstripes, and the green velvet curtains looked brand new. He glanced around him and noticed that all the furniture in the room looked polished and clean. The blankets on his bed smelled freshly laundered, and matched the color of the walls. He was wearing new pajamas that weren't his own, but were quite comfortable. The bed he was in was soft, and the pillow under his head was softer. He had no idea where he was, but he never wanted to leave. He turned his head to the left and saw the picture he'd been looking at the last time he was alone in his bedroom.

"Sev? Are you really awake?"

He turned his head to the right and saw with disbelief that Lily Potter was lying next to him in bed, propped up on her elbow and staring at him with puffy red eyes.

Now he was convinced that he was dead.


	6. Second Chances

6. Second Chances

"How did I die?" he croaked, his voice as rough as sandpaper.

Lily smiled and pulled herself up into a sitting position facing him.

"Oh Sev, you're not dead. I promise." Lily reached over and brushed his hair away from his face. "It's really me. You've been unconscious for two weeks. I hope you don't mind, but I thought I'd brighten this place up a little. I figured it would help you recover."

Severus propped himself up a little higher and rubbed his eyes. Blinking, he took another look around the room.

"This – this is my bedroom," he croaked again.

"You collapsed in your doorway when you saw me. I managed to get you into an armchair before you fell unconscious, then when you did, I levitated you in here. Before you go getting too excited, you should know I transfigured the clothing you already had on."

For some reason, the only thought running through his mind was that Lily Potter was in his bed; a place no other woman had ever occupied.

"I don't understand," he whispered, "you're supposed to be dead."

He gazed into her eyes so he could be certain that it was really her, and felt his heart beat faster when he realized that this was no trick.

"So I've heard," Lily grinned back.

Severus began to notice the cauldron, vials and other potion making materials set up around the room.

"You-you've been nursing me here for two weeks?" Severus grunted, reaching up to rub a cramp in his neck.

"Yes I have, and you were a very demanding patient. Every time I nodded off for half a minute, you'd wake up screaming. When you weren't doing that, you were moaning my name, which I have to admit got to be quite flattering after a while." She stood up and retrieved a glass of water from the top of a dresser near the door. Severus frowned inwardly as her warmth faded from the thigh she'd been resting against.

Lily handed him the glass of water, and he drank it like a man who'd been trapped in the Sahara.

"Slowly, Severus; you haven't had anything in your stomach for two weeks but soup broth and potions."

Severus glanced up at her silently and she held his gaze. She resumed her seat on the bed, took his glass and reached across him to place it on his night stand. Slowly, he slid his hand across the blanket and onto hers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I am so, so sorry… for everything. It's all my fault…"

His voice cracked and he could feel the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He didn't dare let go of Lily's hand to brush them away. He never wanted to let go of her again.

"Oh, Sev," Lily smiled gently. "That was all so long ago. You've blamed yourself all these years?"

A tear fell out of his eye and made its way slowly down his cheek. Lily reached over and wiped it away, her hand lingering on his cheek for just a moment.

"Dumbledore told me that the Fidelius Charm was your idea. You did everything you could. Things happened the way they were meant to."

Severus's body began to shake with his sobs, and Lily leaned over, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. He buried his face in her shoulder and cried until he ran out of tears. She still smelled exactly the way that he remembered; slightly smoky from standing next to a cauldron, with a hint of fresh parchment and rose oil.

"I remember – in my dreams – you were crying, calling my name," he whispered in her ear.

She pulled away just enough so she could look into his eyes. They were different than she'd remembered; unguarded and vulnerable now as opposed to how hard and cold they'd seemed as a teenager. She sniffed and swallowed hard around the knot that had formed in her throat.

"I didn't know what I'd do if I lost you again," she breathed, barely a whisper.

Severus's heart pounded. He reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, combing his fingers through and resting his hand on the back of her head, "I've spent sixteen years thinking I'd lost you forever, and now here you are. Before another moment passes, I want you to know; I love you."

Lily took a deep breath and leaned forward. Severus had imagined what this moment would be like for as long as he could remember, but never, in any of his visions, had kissing Lily Potter felt like this. He pulled her tightly against him and parted his lips, fireworks exploding throughout his entire body and an electrical storm going off in his brain.


	7. Born Again

7. Born Again

What happened next felt as natural and logical as breathing: Severus couldn't believe the warmth and softness of her skin; the way her body responded to every touch, every kiss. He'd never known anything could be this wonderful. He felt like he was drowning, dying, being reborn again in a world of beauty and ecstasy that he'd been cut off from all his life. She introduced him to sensations he'd never known existed and feelings he thought he'd long ago lost forever. He realized that he was trembling like a frightened child in her arms; although he was now 16 years her senior, he was afraid that his lack of experience would leave her unfulfilled. He tried to pull back just for a moment, to look into her eyes for reassurance, but she wouldn't have it. He took that to mean she was enjoying herself, and resumed his efforts in earnest. There wasn't an inch of her body that he didn't explore, or an inch of his that she ignored. By the time they were through, they were too breathless to speak, and had energy only to entwine their bodies together beneath the sheets and fall asleep in each other's arms.

When they awoke, it was grudgingly, and neither one wanted to emerge from their warm cocoon.

"Good morning, my lovely, lovely Lily," Severus whispered, resting his lips on her forehead.

"Good morning," she smiled. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I can ever remember doing before."

Lily blushed furiously and smiled up at him.

"Now I feel like I'm the one who's dreaming," she whispered. "I don't think I've ever heard anyone say such beautiful things to me."

Severus beamed and began slowly tracing his fingertips in patterns across her skin. He could see goose bumps rising and falling in waves, and her breathing grew faster and heavier. She curled into him and pressed her body against his.

"I could spend my eternity happily saying beautiful things to you, and making you feel the way you made me feel last night," he breathed in her ear.

Lily bit her lip and closed her eyes, losing herself in the electrical sensation of his touch. She'd never known he could be so seductive; she was beginning to wonder if she'd ever really known him at all. He was so gentle, so eager to please; it was almost as if he were doing all of this for the first time and was afraid of disappointing her.

"Severus…" she breathed.

He caressed her cheek and her jawbone and kissed the corners of her mouth and the tip of her nose.

"Aren't you exhausted?" she chuckled softly.

"A little," he admitted, burying his face in her hair and rolling over on top of her, "but your body is absolutely intoxicating. I've waited a lifetime for the chance to be here with you, and I've never wanted anyone else."

_So this was his first experience with a woman_. She was almost frightened by his intensity, but she realized that he was afraid she was going to disappear. Where before he'd relied on her to guide him, he now assumed full control. He marveled at how well they fit together; almost as if they'd been made for each other. He lost himself in the expressions on her face, and the way her body reacted to his. When he felt her stiffen in his arms, he released her gently and lowered himself onto the bed beside her.

"Now," he gasped, "I'm exhausted."

Lily broke into a fit of giggles, and Severus couldn't help but join her; even her laughter was contagious.

She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow facing him.

"Severus," she said slowly, suddenly serious, "you have no idea how much I wish we could stay here forever; but there's a war going on out there, and my son…"

Like a light switch turning on in his head, he suddenly remembered the rest of his final conversation alone with Dumbledore. He sat up and pushed his hair back away from his face, sighing deeply.

"Lily, I'm afraid Harry may never be able to trust me, but Albus made me swear to pass a message on to him when the time came."

He suddenly caught sight of his forearm in the candlelight and raised it so he could study it for a moment.

"You were summoned more than once while you were unconscious. I cast a spell on the house to make it look like you'd abandoned it."

She sat up and moved closer to him.

"He'll think I've deserted him," Severus whispered.

"Good," Lily replied shortly.

He looked up at her quizzically.

"Dumbledore sent me here to find you. He said that he was wrong, and that killing him had put your life in more danger than before."

"So you came here to convince me to flee?"

Lily took his hand and looked him in the eye.

"Considering the condition you were in when I arrived, I'd say it's the most intelligent decision you could make for yourself right now."

Severus had nearly forgotten Lily's stubbornness, and as he looked into her eyes once more, the expression in them told him that his decision had already been made.

"Thank you for saving my life," he replied softly.

"It's the least I could do," she smiled, squeezing his hand.

"But now, my dear, I believe it's time we get out of this bed, clean ourselves up and go help our friends."

Severus nodded in agreement and stood up as swiftly as his body would allow; he'd always stayed in fairly decent shape, but two weeks in bed topped with two rounds of love making made him feel as though all his joints and muscles had turned to jelly.

"Perhaps I'd better take a nice, hot shower first. It seems as though my body could use it."

Lily chuckled and glanced around the room, a look of guilt on her face. "Then I might as well tell you that I remodeled the bathroom as well…"

Severus hobbled his way into what had been his cramped bathroom and lit the candles on his walls with a flick of his wand. His eyes widened as he saw what Lily had meant by "remodeled:"

She'd obviously cast an Undetectable Extension Charm on the inside of the room, because he was now able to move around quite comfortably inside. She'd changed the color of the walls to pale grey with dark green pinstripes, and every fixture in sight glinted silver in the candlelight. His towels were no longer musty, nor were they falling apart in his hands as he carried one over to his new shower. As he stepped inside and turned on the hot water, he realized with a smile that he could get used to having a talented witch around to take care of him.

When he stepped out into the steam-filled room, his body felt infinitely better than before. He toweled himself off and stepped up to wipe the steam off the mirror over the sink. Apparently his house was not the only thing Lily had transfigured; the face in the mirror was of a man he hardly recognized. It was still his face, but it had changed a great deal in the past two weeks. His eyes were no longer sunken and sallow; for the first time in his life, they looked bright and warm and had actually lightened to a warm chocolate brown. His skin had taken on a warm glow, and he realized with satisfaction that he no longer looked older than he was; rather, he looked as young as he felt. His hair was still pulled back from when he'd washed it, and he realized that it made him look less ragged. He dried it with his wand and tied it back with a small silver band. A few stubborn strands still dangled around his face, but it was a vast improvement from his old hairstyle. With a flick of his wand, he banished the stubble from his cheeks and jaw and admired the improvement Lily had made; he didn't think he'd ever had a reason to smile without her in his life, and now he was certain that he'd never be able to stop smiling again. His task complete, he turned from the mirror and returned to his bedroom.

Lily looked up from cleaning up the potion supplies scattered everywhere and he smiled inwardly at the look of surprise on her face.

"Severus?" she whispered, "I hardly recognize you."

She walked over and caressed his freshly shaved cheek, toying with the strand of hair dangling there.

"Thanks to you, I'm a new man," he replied, causing a deep blush to appear on her cheeks.

She moved her hands down to his shoulders and stepped back with a smile as she realized he was wearing nothing but a towel.

"I think becoming a new man means you've earned some new clothes."

He glanced down and chuckled. "As grateful as I am for the improved surroundings, I think I'd like to try my hand at improving my own wardrobe."

Lily smiled brightly. "I think that sounds fairly reasonable; it will give me a chance to get back in that shower…"

When she emerged in her own cloud of steam a little while later, it was to find Severus wearing a pair of black hiking boots, well-fitting black cargo pants and an untucked forest green t-shirt. Lily was in awe.

"Careful, Sev," she joked, "I think you're in danger of becoming the handsomest professor in Hogwarts history."

He sneered as her comment reawakened old feelings of contempt. "I'm afraid my dear that most of my former students would insist that position has already been filled."

"Oh?" Lily replied, suppressing a giggle "by whom?"

"Gilderoy Lockhart," he spat the name as if it were poison on his tongue, and looked up as he heard giggling coming from over his shoulder. Lily was in hysterics, and the sight of her standing there in a towel with her soft copper curls cascading gently over her shoulders was enough to soften his demeanor once more.


End file.
